I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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