Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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