a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
