Screwed.edu
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You ruined the universe
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