Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
