you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
