I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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