Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
