Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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