Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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