I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
