Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize