Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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