I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
