What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
