where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
