when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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