I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize