it was like having sex with a tree stump
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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