i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
