Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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