Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
