You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
