Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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