we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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