Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
