In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
