I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
