I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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