I'm really into asian looking animals
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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