Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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