I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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