I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
