i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
