Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
