You smell like stripper and shame
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
