the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
