i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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