OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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