you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
