the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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