chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
