The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
