i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
