An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
