She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
