we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
