Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
