My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
