Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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