Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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