she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
