It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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