4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
