you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
