Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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