Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I could fuck to npr.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
