I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
