my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
