The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize