Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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