took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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