I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
