im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i out mim tonsoeep
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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