apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
