I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
