We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
