i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
