Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No subtext here. People are naked.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
