My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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