Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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