omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
