so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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